Funny Stories

Posted on 23 January 2021


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Despite his low opinion of lieutenants, the sergeant kept a respectful tone as he taught us how to bail out of a plane in an emergency.

"Sirs, to open the hatch," he began, "turn this lever to the right, then pull that handle."

"What if we don't follow that sequence?" a second lieutenant asked.

"Then, sir," said the sergeant patiently, "you hit the hatch handle with a crash ax."

"That'll open the hatch?"

"No, sir. But it will keep your mind occupied until you crash."

-- Story submitted by Daniel Evans   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


I had a major argument with my girlfriend, Helen. I was in the wrong, but not enough to back down without an argument.

So after storming away, and cooling off, I had a think. I was clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty, with all the trauma it had caused.

So to make it up to Helen, I said I'd buy her a gift.

"Any thing at all, my love," I said, overcome with remorse.

"Oh, I don't know," replied Helen, "You really shouldn't do this you know. But, if you are, just get me something really expensive, that I don't need."

The following day I booked her in for chemotherapy.

-- Story submitted by Pete CK   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


My son burst into the room and excitedly announced he had won a prize in his Grade 1 class.

After telling him how proud of him I was, I asked what he had achieved.

"I won," he said, "for having the oldest mom in the whole class!"

-- Story submitted by Robin Stinson   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


While visiting Manhattan one evening, British essayist/poet G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936) was taken to view the brilliant lights of Broadway.

After staring at the sea of scintillating product names and marquee advertisements for several minutes, Chesterton issued his verdict: "How beautiful it would be," he said, "for someone who could not read."

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


My husband and I were dining out with our children one evening. Our four-year-old son caught the eye of a woman at the next table who smiled at him, and he smiled back. When she got up to leave, we encouraged Joe to say goodbye. She leaned over and said, with a smile, "Good night, young man."

Joe looked up at her, with an equally big smile, and said, "Good night, old lady."

-- Story submitted by Elaine   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5