Funny Stories

Posted on 1 June 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors.

As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.

Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer."

As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.

"Only to mow my lawn."

-- Story submitted by law-n-don   [Funny Stories]



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Spanish never came easily to my niece. Still, she did her best to communicate with the Spanish-speaking staff at the restaurant she managed. But when she made mistakes...and she made a lot...she'd apologize by saying, "Me estúpido."

Finally, a staffer took pity on her. "Amanda, you're not estúpido," he said, bucking up my niece's ego. "You are a woman," he continued. "So you are estúpida."

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No.12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.

-- Story submitted by Mia Solo   [Funny Stories]



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Homicides of the Year

1. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

2. Jay Newton was killed after a co worker at Sea World Florida dropped a 20 tonne killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Tonne Crane, when the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness his colleague, Brian Hartley released the whale crushing the victim instantly.

3. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, by a fellow worker trying to prove a point.The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane, and the plane's gear automatically retracted after take off. But come landing time wouldn't re-engage, the helpless Densinter couldn't do a thing as the plane ran out of fuel, in an attempt at an emergency landing the 747 exploded. Densinter was killed instantly.

4. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past a New York apartment building. David Smee, 7 years old, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids thought it'd be fun to try to squish the "Ant looking things on the foot path below" (people). They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

-- Story submitted by edd   [Funny Stories]



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I have a friend who flew Lear Jets for the U.S. Air Force. He would occasionally be assigned to an air show where one of his tasks was answering questions about his plane.

Someone would always point to the fuel tank and ask if it was a missile.

His standard answer was, "I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons on this aircraft."

-- Story submitted by Joe Perry   [Funny Stories]



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