Funny Stories

Posted on 18 August 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

I used to live in New Brunswick, New Jersey, the home of Rutgers University.

The new flock of kids attending college always includes those who need a little help with everyday chores they themselves never did before, such as laundry, or grocery-shopping.

I was in the dairy aisle for some eggs. As usual, I opened the carton to check them over before putting them in my cart. Beside me, a young man did the same to his carton ... then leaned toward me and asked, "What are we looking for?"

-- Story submitted by makhno   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


We were sitting in church a few weeks ago while the minister delivered a sermon based on the timeless story of the prodigal son. When he got to the point where the father sees his son returning and races out to meet him, the minister said, "Throwing wide his arms, the father said..."

At which point my younger son leaned over to me and whispered, "You're grounded!"

-- Story submitted by Helen   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.

To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.

As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor."

His attorney advised him to plead guilty.

-- Story submitted by Eddie Bert   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Weird Laws

1. Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

2. Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.

3. It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.

4. In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.

5. Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.

6. The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"

7. Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).

8. It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.

9. Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.

10. New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.

11. In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.

12. Harthahorne (Oklahoma) City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

13. In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.

14. In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.

15. A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.

-- Story submitted by Eddie   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


My cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon.

She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4.

-- Story submitted by Sophia   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5