Funny Stories

Posted on 20 October 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"

"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"

After apologizing, I got her parcel.

"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"My husband's new hearing aid."

-- Story submitted by Adena Flores   [Funny Stories]



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As a high school football coach, I'm aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night.

When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.

"Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?"

The flustered kid replied, "Three."

-- Story submitted by Carl   [Funny Stories]



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Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when I got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?"

Jill said, "Seven dollars."

She said, "How much for children?"

Jill said, "Same price, seven dollars."

She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."

Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."

-- Story submitted by Kate Lol   [Funny Stories]



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Unexpected Chick Pick-Up Places

Another article taken from Playboy and written by Shawn Conner. Thought it was quite interesting to know that apart from the bar that you frequent so often that all the chicks have already rejected you... at least once already, there are alternatives!

Guys, it's time to consider some alternatives when you're looking for the right place to meet the future Mrs. For starters, forget nightclubs. Those are for amateurs. Women go because they know guys will hit on them, and they're prepared for that. They're with their girlfriends; they see you coming; they've heard it all. Bars are better, but you have to consider all the distractions - loud music, other guys, the fresh popcorn machine. Instead, think about other places, maybe even everyday places that would be conducive to spontaneous, friendly conversation, light interaction and possibly gentle flirtation.

Consider any romantic comedy you've ever seen. How many of the couples have met at a nightclub? (Yes, we remember Knocked Up, but we all know what happened there.) And who are romantic comedies aimed at? David Wygant, the dating expert who inspired the movie Hitch, points out: "Women want to be the stars of their own romantic comedy." Translation: Women want to meet guys outside of the usual haunts.

For one thing, such encounters seem much more fateful. There's no sense of destiny in meeting someone at a bar. For another, a novel meeting will give her something to talk about. So reconsider that girl at the supermarket, in the bank line, at the gym or in the parole board waiting room. They're probably more open to a friendly hello and a bit of conversation than you think. And with that in mind, we've come up with a few places we think are a little bit out of the ordinary but possibly perfect.

1. Gas Stations
We've had gas stations in mind ever since we heard a story actor James Woods told on a late-night talk show about how he met his then-wife while filling his tank. "I asked her about the car she was driving, because I said I was thinking about buying one," said the actor. And hey, how about these rising gas prices? Sheesh!

2. The Beach
So, maybe this one's a little on the obvious side, but think of the beach as one giant meeting place. Everyone's relaxed and there's always a topic of conversation, from "Yes, that's one of Danielle Steel's best works" to "Can you oil the small of my back?"

3. Classes
We're not recommending the weight room at the gym, but we think fitness classes are ideal. But don't just think fitness. Think cooking, language or emergency preparedness, maybe it's just us, but don't you want your next girlfriend to have her own industrial-strength flashlight and six month's supply of canned goods?

4. Laundromats
What could be sexier or more provocative than all those frilly things tumbling around in a hot, vibrating container? Plus, there's something about meeting at the Laundromat that says "destiny," especially on a Friday or Saturday night. Everyone's kind of bored and most likely dying for a conversation.

5. Wine Tastings
This is a no-brainer, really. Wine has never been sexier than at this moment in time and women love their wine. A little effort on your part and you should be able to find a tasting, whether at a store, a fundraiser or trade show in your city. From there, it's a simple matter to brush up on your lingo, at least enough to bluff your way around a pinot noir. Drop the line, "A hint of black cherry in the finish," and she'll be putty in your hands.

6. Political Rallies/Protests
Sure, they might turn into riots (remember "the battle in Seattle?") with tear gas and Taser guns, but what's more romantic than meeting someone special while running from baton-wielding police?

7. Seniors Homes
No, we're not advocating picking up the elderly, though they do have the best stories. But we couldn't help notice the last time we visited our dear old gran (R.I.P.) that her extended care facility was staffed by a bevy of beauties. Best of all, women you meet at a seniors' home are bound to be compassionate, caring and willing to put up with your incontinence, which may come in handy down the road.

8. Bookstores
Another obvious one, perhaps, but we're talking specifically about the self-help section. Happy, content women in relationships aren't the ones flipping through He's Just Not That Into You. These are women likely to be single. And it's easy to strike up a conversation about the important stuff - dating, relationships and chakras.

9. Paintball
We are fascinated by the idea of paintball, but this is one idea we never would have thought of on our own. It comes courtesy of Dylan Alexander, author of Online Casanova, who tells us "the downtime in between games" is a good time to meet women, as everyone is in an excited state and there's a feeling of high energy in the field or forest or jungle or wherever it is you do such things. One downside: The goggles and face masks can make it difficult to see who you're talking to.

10. Strip Clubs
Yes, you read that right. This is another of Alexander's suggestions. But don't go for the strippers, he says. "Go for the girls who go to watch. They are in an excited state and tipsy, and there's lots of downtime between dancers." You're best off approaching the whole group, although if it's a girls' night out you might have your work cut out for you. In which case, you can always get a lap dance.

-- Story submitted by Ed Bodger   [Funny Stories]



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My cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon.

She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4.

-- Story submitted by Sophia   [Funny Stories]



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