Funny Stories

Posted on 31 July 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home."

-- Story submitted by makhno   [Funny Stories]



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As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.

I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage: "No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way."

-- Story submitted by Ken   [Funny Stories]



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Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress. Only he kept his in the underwear drawer.

One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe - a can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."

"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated.

"They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer."

-- Story submitted by Linda Dixon   [Funny Stories]



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Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer.

Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there."

The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.

-- Story submitted by Tom Fraser   [Funny Stories]



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At the end of her first year university, my daughter, Kerrie decided to stay in town for the summer to work. She moved in with a roommate and a week later she called home.

"Mom, I just wanted to apologize," she said.

"Apologize for what?" I asked.

"For all those times I said to you. 'I'll do it later.'"

-- Story submitted by Nancy   [Funny Stories]



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