Funny Stories

Posted on 10 July 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

I went up to a homeless man as I came out of a pub last night and said, "What would you say if I asked you to come back to my house for a few drinks and a 3 course meal in front of the fireplace?"

"I'd say yes," he replied.

"Exactly," I said, shaking my head and walking away, "What the heck is wrong with women these days?"

-- Story submitted by Bergurin   [Funny Stories]



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My local hardware store puts its customers in their place before they even enter. The sign on the door reads:

"Shoes required, because you might hurt yourself. Shirts required, because you're not as good-looking as you think."

-- Story submitted by Henry Wood   [Funny Stories]



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A fellow programmer had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief then remarked, "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him."

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.

"Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you ... I get nervous around really smart people."

-- Story submitted by Matt Boucher   [Funny Stories]



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I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue what had just happened.

-- Story submitted by cherio   [Funny Stories]



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I sold a used (no box or instructions) wireless mouse to a former coworker. I'm pretty sure I opened the top cover revealing the storage location of the USB receiver.

A week or two may have passed between that and her purchasing it. I get a phone call... It's not working.

I reminded her the shiny black rectangle has to be plugged into a USB port for the PC to "see" the mouse.

I suppose one day PCs will just figure out nearby peripherals.

-- Story submitted by ghost   [Funny Stories]



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