Funny Stories

Posted on 15 September 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

New paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit.

When I went in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: "Natural Blonde". There weren't any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to me.

He replied, "Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but spreads easily!"

-- Story submitted by Gabbro   [Funny Stories]



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Real Labels - Real Products

On a lawnmower:
"WARNING: WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING - THE BLADE IS TURNING!"

Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle:
"Do not open here."

On a bottle of spray paint:
"Do not spray in your face."

On a bottle of bathtub cleaner:
"For best results, start with a clean bathtub before use."

On a can of powdered infant formula:
"Mix with water before serving."

Found on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner:
"Safe for carpets, too!"

Warning on a curling iron:
"Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice."

On a plastic orange juice can:
"100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate."

On the label of a Sterno candle fuel:
"Do not use near fire or flame."

Seen on a container of salt:
Warning: High in sodium

On a baby stroller:
"Remove child before folding."

-- Story submitted by J. Wheeler   [Funny Stories]



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Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law.

"I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church."

-- Story submitted by Deliffinel   [Funny Stories]



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A 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished.

As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness experienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college.

"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you."

"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my iPad in there."

-- Story submitted by Alan King   [Funny Stories]



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Fort Worth, Texas:
Lee Lively thought he was doing the right thing when he shot a drunken driving suspect who had beaten up a policeman and was running away. His faith was shaken when Jesus Puentes demanded $1.7 million for his wounds.

But the jury said Puentes is the one who must pay -- $1.75 million in punitive damages and $1,000 for Cpl. Randy Whisenhunt's injuries.
"We just wanted to make a statement. We're tired of the frivolous lawsuits that are plaguing our court system," juror Elsie Bowles said.

February 17, 1990, Lively saw Puentes grabbing for Whisenhunt's gun. The officer managed to knock it away, but ended up with Puentes sitting on his chest, beating his face.

Lively said he leaped out of his truck and beat Puentes to the gun. As Puentes began to run, Lively said he shouted twice for him to stop, then shot him twice in the legs.

-- Story submitted by colombo   [Funny Stories]



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