Funny Stories

Posted on 9 February 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
When my luggage didn't make the flight home with me, I stormed over to the airport's customer-service counter.

"Can you describe your suitcase?" the clerk asked.

"It's a navy-blue duffle bag, about 60 centimeters long, 45 centimeters wide and 50 centimeters high," I said. "It has red piping around the edges, three big stars on one side, and the words 'Atlanta Olympics' in big letters on the other side."

"Okay," she said. "And is there anything distinctive about your bag?"

-- Story submitted by Diana   [Funny Stories]



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I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight.

When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said, "I think your tits are smaller."

-- Story submitted by LosTits   [Funny Stories]



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There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.

The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

-- Story submitted by Ryan Mann   [Funny Stories]



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I decided to make myself useful and do a load of the family laundry. When I took the clothes out of the machine, I discovered...to my dismay...that I had also washed the watch my wife had given me while we were dating.

"Don't expect me to replace it," she said later with an obvious lack of sympathy.

By the time Father's Day rolled around, however, she had relented and gave me a beautiful new watch. Attached was a note with this stipulation: "DRY-CLEAN ONLY!"

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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Let me start by saying that I have well over 10 years in technical support, hardware, software, specialized applications, for the most part, you name it, I’ve supported it. Windows, Mac, UNIX. In my downtime, I have a very full home network running, combination of wired and wireless connections, and a wide variety of Operating Systems, so it’s a pretty safe bet that I know what I’m doing.

Unfortunately, every once in awhile, I will lose synch to my ISP, which, while annoying, is a very quick fix on the other end of the phone. I call, ask to get my line cleared, watch my modem for the “READY” light, and we’re all happy. Tech support has a fast, easy ticket they can close quickly, keeping their numbers up, and I have the internet available again...

Until one time, I called the ISP for my usual line clearing

M-Me

O- Other person, who I would NEVER call a tech.

M: Can I get you to clear my line, I lost my ready light, and need to get back up and running.

O: Sure, I can do that, but let’s try these troubleshooting steps first.

M: Really, the line just needs to be cleared; I have no READY light on my modem.

O: OK let’s start by telling me what lights are on your modem…

M: All but the READY light, just like I’ve said.

O: Let’s unplug your modem, are you comfortable doing this?

M: Yes, I’ve done it 4 times today, but yes, I’ll do it once again.

O: Good, tell me when the lights are back on.

M: Should I maybe plug it back in first?

O: Oh (haha) yes, you should.

M: Right… (I wait the expected time, receive the expected result) OK, I have all lights except the ready light still. Can you please just clear my line?

O: We’re almost done here…. I need you to go to “start” then control panel…

M: That won’t do any good; I don’t have a READY light on the modem, my computer is working fine.

O: OK, instead let’s go to start, programs, accessories, command prompt

M: Um, OK, but this won’t do any good either, whatever it is you want me to do… As I've said, my computer is working fine.

O: Yes, I need you to type this in exactly as I say it… type “Ping 127.0.0” and press enter.

M: Uh, sorry, that will not work, why do you want me to do a loopback ping? Even if you had it right, that won’t do any good, again, my computer is working as it should.

O: Just press enter

M: It WILL NOT WORK (Of course, it doesn’t)

O: Let’s go to the control panel, I think I know what’s going on…

M: (Really? You do now?) OK, I’m there…

O: Let’s go into device manager, do you have anything under Network Adapters?

M: There’s nothing under there, because it’s all working.

M: I have Yukon Gigabit Ethernet, nothing appears wrong with it.

O: OK, you don’t have any network adapters installed on your computer, take it to a local computer shop and have them install one for you.

M: Do you know what Gigabit Ethernet is? It’s a network adapter.

O: Sir, I am the technician, please listen to me…

M: OK, how about this (click - call back)

M: Can you clear my line? I don’t have a ready light...

Proper Tech: Oh sure, I can do that

20 seconds later…

M: OK, I have a ready light, and I’m back up and running, I really hate to do this, because I’m a tech as well, but can I talk to a supervisor? Believe me; this has NOTHING to do with you.

Proper Tech: Sure…

That is the only time that I have had to complain about the service I’ve received from that company.

-- Story submitted by ghost   [Funny Stories]



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