Funny Stories

Posted on 20 January 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Having fought the battle of the bulge most of my life, I found the battle getting even harder as I approached middle age. One evening, after trying on slacks that were too tight, I said to my husband, "I'll be so glad when we become grandparents. After all, who cares if grandmothers are fat?"

His prompt reply: "Grandfathers."

-- Story submitted by Elaine   [Funny Stories]



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In December 1994, a jury in Ellsworth, Wis., deliberated for three hours before ruling against Stewart Blair in his lawsuit against his friend Maurice Poulin for injuries incurred when Blair tripped over a snowplow blade. Blair claimed that Poulin caused the fall when he startled Blair by accidentally passing gas in his face.

In a postscript to the trial, as the jurors ceremonially exited the courtroom, the foreman accidentally, audibly passed gas as he walked by the judge.

-- Story submitted by law-n-don   [Funny Stories]



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One rainy day I watched a neighbor struggling to push her toddler in a stroller with one hand and control her poodle with the other. The dog didn't want to get its paws wet and was refusing to walk. I was about to put on my jacket to offer some help when the trio disappeared behind some hedges.

When they reappeared, she seemed to have sorted out her problem: The toddler and the dog were in the stroller.

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.

"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."

-- Story submitted by Tom-tom   [Funny Stories]



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I had a woman phone me the other day saying that she couldn't find "Microsoftware" on her PC. I guess "Microsoft" and "software" merged in her mind. I asked her what she was trying to do (to work out what software she actually needed), and she quite say.

"I don't know what it's for -- I just know it should be there!" she said.

I promised to mail a disk out to her when the next shipment of Microsoftware came in.

-- Story submitted by ghost   [Funny Stories]



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