Funny Stories

Posted on 13 January 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction.

I playfully asked, "What's so distracting?"

His answer: "History Channel".

-- Story submitted by notenough   [Funny Stories]



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The following is a humorous story reported in the Manchester Guardian some time in the late 1970's.

Ben McTaggart, a farmer in the Scottish Highlands, was apprehended by the local constabulary after a routine inspection of his croft revealed an illicit whisky still.

McTaggart appeared in court next day to face charges of evading payment of excise duties and the illegal manufacture of alcoholic spirits. Reviewing the facts of the case before pronouncing verdict, the magistrate declared:

"Mr McTaggart, you have been found in possession of apparatus commonly used in the distillation of alcoholic liquors. Although this equipment was unused, and no trace of spirits could be found on your premises, the intent of the apparatus should be clear to all, and I am obliged to find you guilty of all charges brought against you in this court. Before I pronounce sentence, do you have anything to say in mitigation of your offence?"

McTaggart glowered at the magistrate and replied:

"Your Honour, you can convict me of moonshining just because I have the equipment, but you'd better convict me of rape as well, because I have the equipment for that too!"

-- Story submitted by Mark Curtis   [Funny Stories]



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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"

He answered, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

-- Story submitted by Alex Glinka   [Funny Stories]



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When my friend got a job, her husband agreed to share the housework. He was stunned by the amount of effort involved in keeping a house clean with small boys to pick up after, and insisted that he and his wife shop for a new vacuum cleaner.

The salesman gave them a demonstration of the latest model. "It comes equipped with all the newest features," he assured them.

The husband was not convinced. "Don't you have a riding one?" he asked.

-- Story submitted by Betsy   [Funny Stories]



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One morning, I was rushing to send my daughter off to school and get ready for work myself. The school bus was coming around the block to pick her up. I had just finished preparing her lunch and went into the front porch to get her duffle bag.

In my front porch I have a lot of plants. I bent over to pick up her bag and snagged my hair on my huge asparagus fern... quickly ran back to the kitchen, packed her lunch into the duffle and kissed her goodbye for the day. Then I finished getting myself ready, left in a hurry to catch the city transit for my half hour ride to work on the other side of town. I talked to people on the bus and arrived at work safely.

Started work at 9, then at around 10:30 went to the washroom and when I looked in the mirror - I saw a dried out large piece of my plant stuck nicely in my hair. Go figure - noone told me that it was there. I guess they thought that I had put it there on purpose.

-- Story submitted by Heather Fraser   [Funny Stories]



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