Funny Stories

Posted on 1 July 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A senior in the high school class I taught was always in trouble, both at home and at school, and he was getting fed up.

"That's it! I'm tired of people telling me what to do," he announced at the end of class one day. "As soon as I graduate, I'm joining the Marines."

-- Story submitted by Brandon   [Funny Stories]



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I took a real estate client to a "handyman special." The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling.

Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."

-- Story submitted by Glen Sote   [Funny Stories]



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My great-grandson, age 5, spends a lot of time with us on our small farm. His big delight is finding the new "babies," whether they be birds or mammals. He also knows the rule, "New babies cannot be petted." He usually waits impatiently until the new babies have grown for a week or so and then he can pet them.

Recently our neighbors brought home their firstborn, a beautiful little boy. When I told my great-grandson they had a new baby, he immediately began to ask to go visit them. The second day, very early in the morning, he began to ask to go visit again. I explained to him that it was too early to visit, and that the baby was probably still sleeping.

Hands on his hips and head cocked to one side, he informed me, "But Grandma! I don't want to pet him; I just want to look at him."

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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Henrietta Howland Green, heiress to $6,000,000, became such a successful moneylender that she eventually had a bank balance of $31,400,000 just in one account.

She may have been rich but she lived in a seedy apartment in Brooklyn, not allowing the radiators to be turned on, even in winter.
She never bothered to wash and only ate a tin of dry oatmeal which she used to heat on the bank's radiators. Her son had to have a leg amputated because of her delay in finding a free medical clinic.

When she died in 1916 she left an estate valued at over $95,000,000.

-- Story submitted by Rob Mara   [Funny Stories]



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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

-- Story submitted by kiks   [Funny Stories]



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