Funny Stories

Posted on 10 December 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? Here are some police quotes:

1. "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

2. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

3. "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

4. "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

5. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

6. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

7. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

8. "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

9. "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

10. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

11. "Just how big were those two beers?"

-- Story submitted by John Harris   [Funny Stories]



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At the end of her first year at Temple University, my daughter, Annie, decided to stay in the city for the summer to work. She moved in with a roommate, but she hadn't been there a week when she called home.

"Mom, I just wanted to apologize," she said.

"Apologize for what?" I asked.

"For all those times I said to you, 'I'll do it later.'"

-- Story submitted by Kate Lol   [Funny Stories]



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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.

The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign:
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

-- Story submitted by Uncle Bubba   [Funny Stories]



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Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Filipino man to 75 lashes for possession of alcohol - after he was caught with two chocolate liqueurs at an airport.

-- Story submitted by mahlee   [Funny Stories]



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I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was.

When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her.

-- Story submitted by Sophia   [Funny Stories]



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