Funny Stories

Posted on 2 December 2021


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Despite his low opinion of lieutenants, the sergeant kept a respectful tone as he taught us how to bail out of a plane in an emergency.

"Sirs, to open the hatch," he began, "turn this lever to the right, then pull that handle."

"What if we don't follow that sequence?" a second lieutenant asked.

"Then, sir," said the sergeant patiently, "you hit the hatch handle with a crash ax."

"That'll open the hatch?"

"No, sir. But it will keep your mind occupied until you crash."

-- Story submitted by Daniel Evans   [Funny Stories]



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While I was working for a photo-finishing company, we received a reprint order for an old black-and-white photograph of a man milking a cow.
The man was sitting behind the cow, and all that was visible of him were his legs and feet.

A note accompanying the order read: "This is the only picture I have of my great grandfather. Please move the cow so I can see what he looked like."

-- Story submitted by J.J.Harker   [Funny Stories]



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I am a bus driver for high school kids. It is Christmas time and the kids all gave me cards and presents.

Now I'm thinking, "Man, I must be a good driver and the kids even like me."

I opened the cards when I got home. On the inside of one card it said: "Thanks for not killing us yet. We really appreciate it."

-- Story submitted by Rob Hudd   [Funny Stories]



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At the Deli Counter

Recently I had the following encounter in the deli section of a large grocery store:

Me: I'd like a pint of the jello salad, please.

(The kid behind the counter reaches for the cup-sized container.)

Me: Sorry -- pint, not cup.

Kid: Huh?

Me: (pointing) This size.

Kid: Oh. That's a pound.

Me: That depends on what you put in it.

Kid: Huh?

Me: "Pint" is volume, not weight. What that amount weighs depends on what you put in it.

Kid: This is a pound, not a pint.

Me: If you fill it with potato salad it's probably more than a pound; if you fill it with that marshmallow fluff it's a lot less.

Kid: Huh?

Me: Never mind, just give me a pound of jello.

In case you're wondering, my pound of jello weighed about 12 ounces.

-- Story submitted by Nata   [Funny Stories]



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A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom, Gregory, had just started school. A teacher commented to Gregory that she couldn't believe he was already in first grade and asked what his mother did all day now that all the three boys were in school.

"Cartwheels," Gregory answered.

-- Story submitted by quietsleeper   [Funny Stories]



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