Funny Stories

Posted on 13 November 2017

We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly.

As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building.

"What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"

-- Story submitted by Mark Rosov   [Funny Stories]






Kids' Ideas About Science

1. "One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."

2. "You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."

3. "Talc is found on rocks and on babies."

4. "Isn't inertia when something is moving, then it stops moving and keeps moving?"

5. "The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down."

6. "When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."

7. "When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting."

8. "Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand."

9. "While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating."

10. "Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction."

11. "South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage."

12. "Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south."

13. "A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."

14. "There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever."

15. "There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days."

16. "Lime is a green-tasting rock."

17. "Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil."

18. "Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don?t why you should."

19. "Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there."

20. "Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother."

21. "Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers."

22. "We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on."

23. "To most people, solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up."

24. "In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."

25. "Clouds are high flying fogs."

26. "I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing."

27. "Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do."

28. "Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does."

29. "Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water."

30. "We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won?t drown when we breathe."

31. "Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail."

32. "Rain is saved up in cloud banks."

33. "In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes."

34. "Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog?s tongue will kill the strongest man."

35. "The wind is like the air, only pushier."

36. "A blizzard is when it snows sideways."

37. "A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size."

38. "A monsoon is a French gentleman."

39. "Thunder is a rich source of loudness."

40. "Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound."

41. "It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places."

42. "Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime."

-- Story submitted by Sarah Parker   [Funny Stories]






Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law.

"I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church."

-- Story submitted by Deliffinel   [Funny Stories]






My wife Dawn, worked the night before our 36th anniversary, so I left a card on her pillow and a red rose in a vase on the bedside table. That evening, she greeted me with a particularly warm kiss and then held up my card. "Yes, I left you that," I said.

"No, this is the card I bought for you," she said.

"This," Dawn help up another, "is the card you bought for me." At two different stores, we had bought identical anniversary cards.

-- Story submitted by Charles   [Funny Stories]