Funny Stories

Posted on 20 April 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Need a day off from work?

If you're thinking about taking a sick day without being sick, try to avoid the following excuses, which are all true and have been compiled by Career Builder via hiring managers:

1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.

2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.

4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.

5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

6. Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.

7. One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.

8. Employee's mother was in jail.

9. A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.

10. Employee had a bad case of hiccups.

11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.

12. Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.

13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking.

14. Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.

15. Employee was sad.

Remember, managers are crafty folk, who can smell bullshit through the phone. Take your time thinking of your alibi and excuse before making that call!

-- Story submitted by Rosso Donati   [Funny Stories]



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My husband had just renovated our basement, and it was time to furnish it. I thought a palm tree would look great, but low light made a real one out of the question.

Then I saw a flyer advertising artificial palm trees. As my husband left to buy one, I instructed him to be sure it looked realistic. He arrived home, excited to show me the two trees he had bought and how natural they looked.

Running my fingers over the leaves and down the rough bark, I marveled at how realistic they were, too, until my fingers sank into wet earth.

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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A repentant burglar returned his loot to its owners, along with a note explaining why: "My priest said I done a wrong."

More than $200, a pair of sunglasses and some golf balls were found Monday morning on the steps of Potthoff Foods Incorporated, a meat wholesaler.

"He took my sunglasses, but I didn't know he took them until I got them back this morning," sales representative Phil Barber said. "You know, I don't think something like this happens that often. It's sort of neat. The guy did wrong, but he tried to make it right."

The break-in at Potthoff's happened late Friday or early Saturday. The thief pried open a door and rummaged through some desks.

Potthoff officials said they're not going to depend on the honesty of thieves' nature in the future.

"We are adding an extra security system today," Barber said.

-- Story submitted by Lara Vogel   [Funny Stories]



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While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay.

I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!"

-- Story submitted by Emma Nossek   [Funny Stories]



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