Funny Stories

Posted on 19 August 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the "ideal woman": she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important. The study's read author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she adds, "It's hard to be this woman."

...About as hard as being the ideal man: strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and a sex expert who's only been with one woman.

-- Story submitted by Heather Waine   [Funny Stories]



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To break an appointment one day, American writer and humorist Robert Benchley (1889-1945) visited a hospital feigning an illness. The doctor who examined him was the kind that interprets a hangnail as the early symptom of something obscure and hideous.

"Lucky for you this case fell into my hands," he told Benchley. "I don't want to alarm you, but all we can do is prescribe in a general way and watch the effects of the treatment, although we don't know precisely what they'll be. Now, these pills..."

Next day the patient was moaning feebly. "Those pills!" he managed to gasp. "Doctor, they must have been...you don't suppose..." The frightened doctor whipped back the sheets.

Benchley had glued pillow feathers from his shoulder blades to his knees.

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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Taking a medical history is an experience: The MD, taking a sex-behavior history asked: "How many orgasms did you have last week?"

The answer: "Counting masturbatory ones and wet dreams?"

-- Story submitted by Ken   [Funny Stories]



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Long before the term "attitude adjustment" came into being, I recall mom's special ruler hanging from a nail in the kitchen next to the fly swatter. When I was bad, I got spanked; when I was *really* bad, my bottom would make sudden contact with the smooth-sanded tool.

Somewhere between Seattle and Tokyo, while crossing the Pacific in an ocean liner, I found mom's ruler hiding inside our stateroom's desk drawer.

Oh, what a discovery! Only four years old and I had already grasped the "IF-THEN" axiom concept: [IF] I was bad, [THEN] I got my bare buttocks smacked by that ruler.

Fortunately, there was a private laundry chute built right into the stateroom compartment wall, where passengers conveniently deposited their dirty laundry as well as other occasional items. What a shock it was when our fresh laundry was returned a day later with the uncommonly clean ruler sitting on the top of the pile.

"You lose something, Mrs. Lee?" asked the room steward, grinning.

"Not at all," replied mom, eyeing me in the way mothers sometimes do. "I just temporarily misplaced it."

-- Story submitted by bassardus   [Funny Stories]



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