Funny Stories

Posted on 24 March 2018

We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A woman with shortness on breath and who weighed approximately 500 lbs was dragged into the Emergency Room on a tarp by six firemen. While trying to undress the lady an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the folds under her arm. After an X-ray showed a round mass on the left side of her chest her massive left breast was lifted to find a shiny new dime. And last but not least during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was discovered in one of the folds of her crotch.

She became known as "The Human Couch".

-- Story submitted by Liam Gibson   [Funny Stories]






I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"

He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."

"In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs."


-- Story submitted by Gabriel Gl   [Funny Stories]






Ads And Signs

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never regret it.

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last

Stock up and save. Limit: one

We build bodies that last a lifetime

See ladies blouses. 50% Off!

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas. Only $299 For rest or fore play.

Auto Repair Service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale

And now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and Up after.

-- Story submitted by anonymous   [Funny Stories]






Bumper stickers

1. Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

2. I brake for no apparent reason.

3. Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

4. No radio – already stolen.

5. Caution! I drive like you do.

6. Student Driver. Get the hell out of my way!

7. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

8. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

9. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

10. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

11. All generalizations are false.

12. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

13. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

14. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

-- Story submitted by Qarr4   [Funny Stories]