Funny Stories

Posted on 15 January 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records from Israeli hospitals:

1. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

2. She is numb from her toes down.

3. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

4. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

5. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

6. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

7. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

8. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

9. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

10. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

11. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

12. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

13. The patient refused an autopsy.

14. The patient has no past history of suicides.

15. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

16. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

17. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

18. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex, which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

19. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

20. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

21. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

-- Story submitted by Ed Simonovich   [Funny Stories]



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Ex-student Jason Wilkins sued the University of Idaho in July of 1994 for $940,000 to pay for injuries he suffered when he fell through a third story window while mooning students.

Wilkins had climbed onto a three-foot-high heater to reach the window but claimed the university should have posted warnings.

-- Story submitted by edd   [Funny Stories]



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British novelist C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), returning home from a walking tour, had just boarded the first class compartment of his train. An old lady, startled at seeing Lewis' unkempt appearance asked him, "Have you a first-class ticket?"

"Yes, madam," he replied, "but I'm afraid I'll be needing it for myself."

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits."

-- Story submitted by anonymous   [Funny Stories]



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Tech support

"Tech support, how can I help you?"

"My computer is stuck on a blue screen, it won't do anything."

"Okay, let's shut it down and reboot."

"Reboot?"

"Yes."

"How do I do that?"

"We need to do a forced reboot."

"A what?"

"Hold the Power button in on your computer for 10 seconds until your screen goes black. After your screen goes black, go ahead and press the Power button again to boot the computer back up."

(2 seconds later)

"Okay, I'm rebooted."

"Already?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"What do you see on your screen?"

"A blue screen."

"When you rebooted, did you leave the monitor on or off?"

"I shut the screen off and back on again, just like you said."

"Okay, we're supposed to reboot the COMPUTER, not the MONITOR. Do not touch the power button near the screen. Look at the rectangle box under or near your screen and find the power button there."

"OH! That one."

"Yes!"

"That was the fastest reboot in recent tech support history."

-- Story submitted by ghost   [Funny Stories]



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