Funny Stories

Posted on 19 October 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained two shells an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II.

"We didn't know what to do with them, the woman explained. So all these years, we've kept the shells in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children."

The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the ammunition safely. But when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other shell and found a hard white substance.

There was no doubt about it. They were souvenir salt and pepper shakers.

-- Story submitted by Tom Fraser   [Funny Stories]



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Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk. I was born with the gift of gab. I'll strike up a conversation with just about anybody. For instance, I find that my Lyft drivers have some interesting stories. The minute I get into the car I greet them by name. Every ride I just ask the same questions. "How long have you been a driver?" "What's the farthest you've taken a passenger?"

Then I start to get more personal. "Do you do this job full time? Without asking they usually open up and tell me what else they are into. Now we're best buds. I then ask, "Are you married?" "Any kids?" "What's your mothers maiden name and the last 4 numbers of your social security number."

9 out of 10 start to answer and then it hits them.

-- Story submitted by SuzyB   [Funny Stories]



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Unexpected Chick Pick-Up Places

Another article taken from Playboy and written by Shawn Conner. Thought it was quite interesting to know that apart from the bar that you frequent so often that all the chicks have already rejected you... at least once already, there are alternatives!

Guys, it's time to consider some alternatives when you're looking for the right place to meet the future Mrs. For starters, forget nightclubs. Those are for amateurs. Women go because they know guys will hit on them, and they're prepared for that. They're with their girlfriends; they see you coming; they've heard it all. Bars are better, but you have to consider all the distractions - loud music, other guys, the fresh popcorn machine. Instead, think about other places, maybe even everyday places that would be conducive to spontaneous, friendly conversation, light interaction and possibly gentle flirtation.

Consider any romantic comedy you've ever seen. How many of the couples have met at a nightclub? (Yes, we remember Knocked Up, but we all know what happened there.) And who are romantic comedies aimed at? David Wygant, the dating expert who inspired the movie Hitch, points out: "Women want to be the stars of their own romantic comedy." Translation: Women want to meet guys outside of the usual haunts.

For one thing, such encounters seem much more fateful. There's no sense of destiny in meeting someone at a bar. For another, a novel meeting will give her something to talk about. So reconsider that girl at the supermarket, in the bank line, at the gym or in the parole board waiting room. They're probably more open to a friendly hello and a bit of conversation than you think. And with that in mind, we've come up with a few places we think are a little bit out of the ordinary but possibly perfect.

1. Gas Stations
We've had gas stations in mind ever since we heard a story actor James Woods told on a late-night talk show about how he met his then-wife while filling his tank. "I asked her about the car she was driving, because I said I was thinking about buying one," said the actor. And hey, how about these rising gas prices? Sheesh!

2. The Beach
So, maybe this one's a little on the obvious side, but think of the beach as one giant meeting place. Everyone's relaxed and there's always a topic of conversation, from "Yes, that's one of Danielle Steel's best works" to "Can you oil the small of my back?"

3. Classes
We're not recommending the weight room at the gym, but we think fitness classes are ideal. But don't just think fitness. Think cooking, language or emergency preparedness, maybe it's just us, but don't you want your next girlfriend to have her own industrial-strength flashlight and six month's supply of canned goods?

4. Laundromats
What could be sexier or more provocative than all those frilly things tumbling around in a hot, vibrating container? Plus, there's something about meeting at the Laundromat that says "destiny," especially on a Friday or Saturday night. Everyone's kind of bored and most likely dying for a conversation.

5. Wine Tastings
This is a no-brainer, really. Wine has never been sexier than at this moment in time and women love their wine. A little effort on your part and you should be able to find a tasting, whether at a store, a fundraiser or trade show in your city. From there, it's a simple matter to brush up on your lingo, at least enough to bluff your way around a pinot noir. Drop the line, "A hint of black cherry in the finish," and she'll be putty in your hands.

6. Political Rallies/Protests
Sure, they might turn into riots (remember "the battle in Seattle?") with tear gas and Taser guns, but what's more romantic than meeting someone special while running from baton-wielding police?

7. Seniors Homes
No, we're not advocating picking up the elderly, though they do have the best stories. But we couldn't help notice the last time we visited our dear old gran (R.I.P.) that her extended care facility was staffed by a bevy of beauties. Best of all, women you meet at a seniors' home are bound to be compassionate, caring and willing to put up with your incontinence, which may come in handy down the road.

8. Bookstores
Another obvious one, perhaps, but we're talking specifically about the self-help section. Happy, content women in relationships aren't the ones flipping through He's Just Not That Into You. These are women likely to be single. And it's easy to strike up a conversation about the important stuff - dating, relationships and chakras.

9. Paintball
We are fascinated by the idea of paintball, but this is one idea we never would have thought of on our own. It comes courtesy of Dylan Alexander, author of Online Casanova, who tells us "the downtime in between games" is a good time to meet women, as everyone is in an excited state and there's a feeling of high energy in the field or forest or jungle or wherever it is you do such things. One downside: The goggles and face masks can make it difficult to see who you're talking to.

10. Strip Clubs
Yes, you read that right. This is another of Alexander's suggestions. But don't go for the strippers, he says. "Go for the girls who go to watch. They are in an excited state and tipsy, and there's lots of downtime between dancers." You're best off approaching the whole group, although if it's a girls' night out you might have your work cut out for you. In which case, you can always get a lap dance.

-- Story submitted by Ed Bodger   [Funny Stories]



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I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me, "Dude, you know those are for girls right?"

I am a 30 year old woman.

-- Story submitted by secretdeo   [Funny Stories]



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