Funny Stories

Posted on 23 July 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut the stains out of the old carpet.

When the carpet guy asked what color we wanted, I pulled out the stained patches and said, "Yeah, can you match this color?"

-- Story submitted by Rob Mara   [Funny Stories]



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Our eleven-year-old twin grandsons, Martin and Christopher, spend a lot of time golfing with their parents. I realized how much time one day as we began a meal. We always say this grace: "For food and friends and all God sends, we give Him a grateful thanks."

That day I began "For..." and waited for the boys to join in.

When they kept talking, I repeated more loudly, "Foooor..."

Martin looked up and said, "Look out, God, there's a prayer coming!"

-- Story submitted by Susan   [Funny Stories]



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I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend.

I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room.

-- Story submitted by Ted   [Funny Stories]



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I'd had enough of searching high and low for my newspaper every morning, so I called the delivery service and complained. After listening to my rant, the clerk asked, "Where do you usually find your paper?"

"Sometimes in the bushes, sometimes on my porch," I stated.

"Okay," she said. "And where would you prefer to find it?"

-- Story submitted by Drew   [Funny Stories]



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