Funny Stories

Posted on 20 September 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

My wife and I get along just great, except that she's a backseat driver second to none. On my way home from work one day, I heard my cell phone ring as I merged onto a freeway bypass.

It was my wife. By chance, she had entered the bypass right behind me.

"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights. It's starting to rain."

-- Story submitted by clipakomm   [Funny Stories]



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When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers. The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "Touchstone"!

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while ordinary pebbles are cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore, and began testing pebbles.

He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. One day, however, about mid-afternoon, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it's easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it's just as easy to throw it away.

-- Story submitted by Rani Andrew   [Funny Stories]



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Running for re-election to the Senate, John McClellan of Arkansas showed up at a county fair to debate his opponent. As the challenger began his speech, he paused to pour himself a glass of water from a pitcher.

But when a newspaper photographer snapped his picture, the candidate missed the glass and poured the water over the heads of people standing in front of the stage. When McClellan took the microphone, he asked the crowd a simple question: "Do you want a senator who's too dumb to pour water into a glass?"

He was re-elected.

-- Story submitted by Andrew   [Funny Stories]



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A small girl sat in front of the television watching a news program on teenage run away. "Mommy," she asked. "Why do people run away?"

The mother thought for a moment about the numerous reasons that teens run and then proceeded to try and explain in a way that her young daughter would understand.

After the first few moments of explanation the small girl interrupted. "No Mommy, why do people RUN away? Do they have to run or can they walk away too?"

-- Story submitted by Megan Gaynor   [Funny Stories]



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