Funny Stories

Posted on 11 January 2018


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Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise.

"Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?"

The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?"

-- Story submitted by makhno   [Funny Stories]



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This happened about 15 years ago to my father-in-law, who worked at the time for the anti-trust division of the justice department.

The justice department was trying a case against a company in New York, who had engaged the senior partner of the biggest law firm there, Alan Dean, to defend them. My father-in-law represented the Justice department.

There was a LOT of evidence and each side had their own idea about how to refer to the exhibits. My father in law went by the school of 1A, 1B, 1C, 2A, 2B etc, while Alan Dean went by A, AA, B, BB, BBB, C.

At one point, well into the trial, a piece of evidence for the defense was labeled "PPPP." The judge was about half asleep but this reference caught his attention.

Judge: Mr. Dean, what number was that exhibit?

Alan Dean: Pee pee pee pee your honour.

(the courtroom and judge giggles, every time pee pee pee pee is mentioned)

Judge: (smirk) Mr. Dean, please abbreviate your exhibit names from, for example, pee pee pee pee to 4P's.

AD: Yes your honour. I'd like to display the next piece of evidence.

Judge: What number would that be, Mr. Dean?

AD: 4Q, your honour.

-- Story submitted by Lamber   [Funny Stories]



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From an Australian motorcycle manual:

Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially while the bike is moving.

Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.

-- Story submitted by guesswho   [Funny Stories]



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At the end of the eighties I was working for a company that made software for doctor's offices. I frequently gave demonstrations to small groups of physicians. One of the main concerns was safety. There was so much talk about hackers. Would their patient records be safe from intruders?
I explained to them that one could only get into a computer from outside the office if the modem was on, and the computer was running a communication program and acting as a host. At that time, this was a rare situation in private practice. But even the most powerful argument I could think of, "You can't break into a computer that's turned off," did not have the impact I had hoped for. One way or the other they were convinced that a clever hacker would not be stopped by such a trivial problem!

-- Story submitted by clone   [Funny Stories]



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