Funny Stories

Posted on 15 August 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

-- Story submitted by Lisa   [Funny Stories]



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A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."

-- Story submitted by Leon Corbin   [Funny Stories]



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The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a hard time. As her audience in the waiting line increased, she became more abusive. Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea collar. The checker asked the customer if she was aware that the package had been opened.

"Of course, I opened it," the woman snapped. "You can't expect me to get it home and find out it's the wrong size."

A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good health."

-- Story submitted by VickyLoo   [Funny Stories]



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From the state of Montana, where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story.

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as most of the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it wasn't raining or snowing), flicked the indicators on and off, tooted the horn, and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken".

"I doubt it", said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

-- Story submitted by Barry Pelletier   [Funny Stories]



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