Funny Stories

Posted on 22 February 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

-- Story submitted by makhno   [Funny Stories]



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Overheard in a restaurant:

Customer asks, "How do you prepare your chickens?"

Cook answers, "Nothing special. We just tell 'em they're gonna die."

-- Story submitted by zilber   [Funny Stories]



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Granny Adams made such beautiful pies! One day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?"

"Well, it's a family secret," she said. "But if you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on it."

"Okay," I said. "Tell me!"

"Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it's not too full.

Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!"

-- Story submitted by opten10   [Funny Stories]



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When my parents were alive, they liked to take cruises. After a fun and relaxing cruise, they were to disembark early the following morning. They went to bed early.

During the night, my mother got up to see what time it was. She groped for her watch that was on her bedside table along with my father's watch. Much to her dismay, her watch said 6:00. She thought that couldn't be right, but my father's watch said the same thing. They were supposed to be ready to go and their luggage was to be in hallway for pick-up by 5:30.

She jumped up and yelled to my father that they overslept. They both rushed around getting ready to go as fast as they could. They peeled off their night clothes, my mother flung them into the suitcase. They quickly got dresses and ready to go.

After about 15 minutes, my father noticed that it was awfully dark out for after 6:00am. He looked out the porthole, it was as dark as pitch outside. So, he walked over to the table picked up his watch which said, 12:45am.

It seems that my mother had read both watches upside down, it was 12:30am, not 6:00 as she thought. How she managed to look at both watches upside down was quite a feat.

-- Story submitted by Jaimie   [Funny Stories]



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Obviously, there was an old car show in town. As an old car passed by us in the oncoming traffic on the highway, my husband exclaimed to our son, "That was brand new when I was little like you!" Then as we passed another one, "That is a beauty, son. That was one like I used to see all the time when I was little." After a bit, we stopped at a light and another very beautiful old car pulled up to the light going in the opposite direction, prompting another exclamation to our youngster of "I remember that car being on the road all the time when I was little."

As the traffic turned green and a bunch of cars swept by in front of our nose from right to left, a thin, somewhat tired little boy's voice came from the back seat, "And THOSE cars," he observed, "are cars that are brand new when I was little."

-- Story submitted by JonnysMom   [Funny Stories]



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