Funny Stories

Posted on 12 October 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. A car nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.

At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."

-- Story submitted by Eleanor Brown   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Enticed by a television promotion, my wife ordered a popular exercise machine on a 30-day trial offer. Two weeks later she decided not to buy it, and called UPS to arrange for pickup. The next day the UPS driver arrived at our house.

"Oh, no, not another one of these," he said. "All I've been doing is delivering these machines, then picking them up. The only person getting exercise from these things is me!"

-- Story submitted by Barry   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


One day Oliver Herford (British Humorist...1863-1935) was solemnly asked by a serious young woman whether he really had no greater ambition than simply making people laugh.

"Oh, yes, I have," he solemnly declared, "and one day I hope to fulfill it."

"Oh, what is your ambition, Mr. Herford?" the woman asked.

"I would like," he replied, "to throw an egg into an electric a fan!"

-- Story submitted by Kate Lol   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the July 21,1997 issue of Fortune Magazine

1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."

2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."

3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."

13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."

16. "My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."

23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."

24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."

26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

-- Story submitted by BadStudent   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5