Funny Stories

Posted on 21 July 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

My mother was recently on a flight returning from Utah. As the plane was a small puddle jumper, the flight attendants were required to demonstrate the life vest, the oxygen mask, etc. instead of turning on a video.

After they finished their presentation, one of them said: "To those of you who listened, thank you. To those of you who ignored us, good luck."

-- Story submitted by Yonezz   [Funny Stories]



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Every day on the set before breaking for lunch, director Cecil B. De Mille (1881-1959) would gather everyone around him to deliver a lecture: "Now this morning," he would invariably begin, "I want everybody to listen to me" - whereupon he would begin to babble interminably.

One day he looked down from his perch and was annoyed to find two women talking. "Hold it just a minute!" he cried. "Ladies, you and you come up here please."

The two women obediently joined De Mille on the platform.

"Now," he ordered, "if what you have to say is so important, please tell everybody over the microphone. Go ahead, tell them."

One of the women took the mike and dutifully explained: "Well, I was just asking my friend when was that old, bald-headed son-of-a-bitch gonna let us have lunch?"

De Mille promptly turned a bright shade of crimson, took back the microphone and yelled: "Lunch!"

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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A customer calls Tech Support with an improbable story: She says she dropped her mouse and her PC shut down.

The tech makes the trip to her desk. No question, her computer is off. And when he punches the PC's power switch to restart it, nothing happens.

He asked her where she dropped her mouse. She replied, "Behind the desk."

Sure enough, she had managed to hit the on/off switch on the power strip.

The tech told her, "Good shot."

-- Story submitted by ghost   [Funny Stories]



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Rhode's Law

When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.

-- Story submitted by Pinkerton   [Funny Stories]



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