Funny Stories

Posted on 14 April 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests...

1. The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.

2. Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.

3. Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.

4. All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex- actly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.

5. Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.

6. Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.

7. A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

8. Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.

9. Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.

10. I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.

11. Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

12. Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.

-- Story submitted by Maria Garner   [Funny Stories]



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Early Aviation

From the instruction manual for the first stewardesses (in 1930):

Keep the clock and altimeter wound up.

Carry a railroad timetable in case the plane is grounded.

Warn the passengers against throwing their cigars and cigarettes out the windows.

Keep an eye on passengers when they go to the lavatory to be sure they don't mistakenly go out the emergency exit.

-- Story submitted by Liam Gibson   [Funny Stories]



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My ninety years old grandfather complained the other day:

"The worst part about getting old is diapers. I don't mind wearing 'em, it's that name I hate: Depends. If I gotta wear a diaper, I don't want no 'depends' about it. I want 'fer certain!'"

-- Story submitted by Ryan Mann   [Funny Stories]



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My ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said, "Well, you're too late for that."

My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school.

-- Story submitted by lonanka   [Funny Stories]



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