Funny Stories

Posted on 22 February 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.

She asked, "Do I click the square?"

I said, "Yes."

She asked me, "Single click or double click?"

-- Story submitted by Charles Hicks   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Our son asked my husband, Walt, if he could borrow some money to buy a car. Walt explained that borrowing money is a bad habit. "Son, I got my first motorcycle when I was 18, and with my own money! I got my first car at 23, and with my own money! And I got my second car when I got married, and with my own money!"

At this point our son interjected excitedly, "So there's no problem...this car would be with your own money as well!"

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

-- Story submitted by baks   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


The following directive was issued by the Commanding Officer of a naval installation in the Mid-East and was obliviously directed at the Marines.

To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts

1. All commanders promulgate upon receipt.

2. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:

"Eat Pork or Die" [both English and Arabic versions]

"Shrine Busters" [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]

"Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy" [Both English and Arabic versions]

"Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more." [Both English and Arabic versions]

"The road to Paradise begins with me." [Mostly Arabic versions but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs]

"Guns don't kill people. I kill people." [Both Arabic and English versions]

"Pork. The other white meat." [Arabic version]

"Infidel" [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]

3. The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.

4. The following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:

"Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800 Daily."

"Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?"

5. All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

-- Story submitted by Giss   [Funny Stories]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5