Jokes

Posted on 6 November 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.

So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



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25 Recommended Courses for Women

We can always continue to upgrade and improve ourselves, which is why we took some pains and found some really really useful courses that women might find interesting. Do sign up!

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out". They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.

One day In was out and Out was in. The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In.

"My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"

Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."

-- Joke submitted by baks   [Jokes]



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Mrs. O'Henry was talking to her husband one night about their son and his allowance.

"Well, darling," said Mr. O'Henry, "I had a long talk with him last week about the value of a dollar."

"I know," she replied, "the other day he asked for his allowance in Yen."

-- Joke submitted by Logan LeBlanc   [Jokes]



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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooo, can you see Florida?"

-- Joke submitted by vio-vio   [Jokes]



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Bob: This match won't light.

Larry: What's the matter with it?

Bob: I don't know -- it lit before.

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti   [Jokes]



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Since we're now living in the time of e-mail and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

-- Joke submitted by Tobbi Lind   [Jokes]



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The women rules

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. If the above applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. An apology without flowers is not an apology.
9. The female may change her mind at any time.
10. The male must never change his mind at any time without the expressed consent of the female.
11. The male may not point out that the woman has changed her mind.
12. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
13. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
14. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
15. The female is ready when she is ready.
16. The male must be ready at all times.
17. If the female is PMS, all rules are null & void.
18. The male may not inquire if the woman is angry or upset.
19. The male may not inquire when the women will be ready.
20. The male may not inquire about the women's time of the month.
21. The male is expected to mind-read at all times.
22. The male must earn the respect of the female by giving his life up in service to her needs and nurturing of her character.

-- Joke submitted by Andrew Granovski   [Jokes]



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