Jokes

Posted on 3 December 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A woman walks into a butchers shop.

She says to the butcher: "How much is that pigs head in the window?"

The butcher replies: "I'm sorry Madam, that's not a pigs head, that's a mirror."

-- Joke submitted by Joe Perry   [Jokes]



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A man goes to the dentist and says, "My teeth are kind of yellow, what do you recommend?"

The dentist replies, "A brown tie!"

-- Joke submitted by Ben Hambrick   [Jokes]



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An old lady was rowing a boat in a corn field. A man stopped and started yelling at her from the road. A second man stopped and asked the first man why he was yelling.

The first man said, "Can't you see the lady rowing a boat in the corn field?"

The second guy said, "Go out there and find out what she's doing!"

The first guy replied, "I would, but I can't swim!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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The highly competitive running back went to the team medic.

"You have a flu," said the doctor as he looked down at the thermometer, "and unless this fever goes down, you won't be playing Sunday."

"How high is it?" the athlete inquired.

"Just over a hundred degrees."

The running back considered this, then said, "What's the team record?"

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti   [Jokes]



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"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?"

"My motto is let bygones be bygones."

"That's good. Why did you choose that?"

"So I wouldn't have to take any history classes!"

-- Joke submitted by Umanya   [Jokes]



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Patient: "Doctor, Doctor... I can't stop stealing things".

Doctor: "Take these pills for a week. If that doesn't work, I'll have a color TV".

-- Joke submitted by Raina Kropp   [Jokes]



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A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... that's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

-- Joke submitted by Michael Howe   [Jokes]



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There was a man who has two dogs, named Commonsense and Trouble. He always brought his dogs to the park every evening. One day, he only brought Trouble to the park, and left Commonsense at home.

While the man was so happy playing Frisbee with his friends, Trouble disappeared. The man was so sad and panicky. He looked for his dog everywhere but could not find it.

A lady realized it and asked the man, "What are you looking for?"

The man replied, "I'm looking for Trouble..."

"Pardon?" said the lady.

The man replied in a higher tone, "I am looking for TROUBLE."

The lady was annoyed and asked, "Where's your commonsense?"

The man answered, "At home."

-- Joke submitted by Brina Dixon   [Jokes]



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