Jokes

Posted on 8 July 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Three guys enter a club one night, whilst sitting down, sipping on their drinks, a stripper comes over and offers a lap dance.

One of the guys decides to show off to his friends so he takes out a 10 note, licks it and sticks it on one of the stripper's bum cheeks.

The other guy, not wanting to feel left out take a 50 note and also licks it and sticks it on the stripper's other bum cheek.

The last guy, being so drunk, takes out his credit card instead and swipes it down the stripper's butt crack, takes both the money and runs out of the door.

-- Joke submitted by Ian Batler   [Jokes]



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Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.

"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"

"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.

"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.

"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.

"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.

"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

-- Joke submitted by Julia Miller   [Jokes]



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You know you're getting old when your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

-- Joke submitted by Tambre   [Jokes]



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Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.

"I entertained a cowboy last night," says the first.

"How did you know he was a cowboy?" asks the second.

"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together."

"Sounds like a cowboy, all right," the others say.

"I entertained a lawyer," announces the second. "I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time."

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

"I had a farmer for a client," comments the third.

"How could you possibly know he was a farmer?" she is asked.

"Well first he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the fall."

-- Joke submitted by Kaliman   [Jokes]



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A man went to his rabbi and said, "I have fifteen children. Rabbi, what should I do?"

The rabbi says, "Haven't you done enough?"

-- Joke submitted by oliviakelly25   [Jokes]



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A husband and wife were expecting their first child.

They were at their first exam with an old crusty Doc. Nice guy, but seen it all, heard it all a million times.

The husband was stuttering around searching for the right words to ask when they "should stop....you know.....relations?"

The Doc's answer: "Sonny, as long as you don't get in my way in the delivery room, I don't care!"

-- Joke submitted by kassandra   [Jokes]



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Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't say out loud in a Victoria Secret store

1. Does this come in children's sizes?

2. No Thanks. Just Sniffing.

3. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

4. Mom will love this.

5. Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys Logo on it?

6. No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.

7. Will you model this for me???

8. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!

9. But darling-your mother already has that one in red.

10. 45 bucks? You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!

-- Joke submitted by KaSandra   [Jokes]



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Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



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