Jokes

Posted on 9 August 2020


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, Jane, these remind me of John's balls."

Jane, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?"

"No", Sue answers. "That dirty."

-- Joke submitted by makhno   [Jokes]



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A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Blackpool for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"

"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the sand, we made love almost every night, we..."

His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?"

"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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A saxophone player was contracted to do a recording session for a movie. Much to his delight, the soundtrack was pretty much a sax solo from beginning to end.

When the session was over the sax player asked the producer what film his music would be in. The producer admitted that it was an adult film and gave him the name of a theatre that would be showing the premiere.

At the premiere, the Saxophone soloist crept into the movie house, embarrassed, and sat in the back next to an elderly couple who were also trying to be anonymous. The movie was disgusting, ending with a scene involving a dog. The sax player finally had enough, and made his exit past the elderly couple, remarking, "I only came to hear the music."

The old lady replied, "We only came to see our dog!"

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't say out loud in a Victoria Secret store

1. Does this come in children's sizes?

2. No Thanks. Just Sniffing.

3. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

4. Mom will love this.

5. Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys Logo on it?

6. No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.

7. Will you model this for me???

8. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!

9. But darling-your mother already has that one in red.

10. 45 bucks? You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!

-- Joke submitted by KaSandra   [Jokes]



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A young Native American lad asked his father, who was a wise man and chief of the tribe, a question: "Why do we have such long names father? And the white man has short names like Tom, Bob, or Sam?"

The chief answered, "The reason my son is this: Indians name their young after the events that take place in their lives. For instance, your sister is named Shinning Moon Over The Lake. On the evening she was born the fall moon was full and shimmering over the lake. And your brother is named White Horse On The Plain. When he was born a majestic white stallion was galloping across the plains.

So son, you see that is why we Indians have such long names. Now, do you have any other questions, Broken Condom Made In China?"

-- Joke submitted by Rob Cooney   [Jokes]



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