Jokes

Posted on 1 February 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?"

"I'm very sorry sir..." began the contrite headwaiter.

"Oh, it's quite all right," said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again..."

-- Joke submitted by Jeff Parker   [Jokes]



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During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

-- Joke submitted by Rebecca Osborn   [Jokes]



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At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."

The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery."

The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

-- Joke submitted by CasCado   [Jokes]



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"You're pretty!"

"Thanks."

"I wish there was something between us..."

"Me too."

"Really? Like what?"

"A wall."

-- Joke submitted by Ava Lewter   [Jokes]



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A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.

Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

The blonde replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

-- Joke submitted by Alex Galey   [Jokes]



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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

"Why, yes," replied the lady.

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

-- Joke submitted by kassandra   [Jokes]



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Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

Little Johnny: I get up early.

-- Joke submitted by Peter Sansbury   [Jokes]



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Farmer Emmitt had just finished cutting up hog meat when he gave his wife two hams and said, "Cora take these two hams and put them up for hard times."

Cora took the hams and put them in the freezer.

One week later while Cora was sitting on the porch, an old truck pulled up and a man with an unfamiliar face got out.

The man said, "Hello there Cora, how's it going."

Cora replied, "Do I know you?"

The man said, "You should, I'm very popular around here. They call me Hard Time."

Cora jumped up and said, "Hold on a minute, I got a package for you."

She ran in the kitchen grabbed the two hams and gave them to the man. The man said, "Well, thank you Mrs. Cora that's rather nice of you."

A couple of days later Emmitt asked Cora about cooking one of those hams he gave her to put up for hard times.

Cora said, "Hard Time came and got the hams already, and it wouldn't be right to ask for one back!"

-- Joke submitted by Kaataa   [Jokes]



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