Jokes

Posted on 31 January 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did work, medicine man free, Indian man all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and shook his head, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

-- Joke submitted by Kevin Husher   [Jokes]



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Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson.

"If you had ten pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for a loan of eight pounds, how much would you have left?"

"Ten," said Little Johnny firmly.

"Ten?" the teacher said, "How do you make it ten?"

"Well," replied Little Johnny, "You may ask for a loan of eight pounds, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!"

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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If Microsoft operated restaurants...

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A soup bowl!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

-- Joke submitted by ghost   [Jokes]



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A lady called up a pet store and said, "I'd like to order 2,000 cockroaches."

"What in the world do you want with 2,000 cockroaches?" asked the astonished clerk.

"Well," she replied, "I am moving today, and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found it."

-- Joke submitted by Ella Dowling   [Jokes]



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A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil.

The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas".

The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what...you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it...I'll buy it".

-- Joke submitted by Condrad   [Jokes]



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A guy goes into the bar with a banana in his ear. He orders a drink. The bartender wants to mention the banana but doesn't.

Next day the same guy with a banana in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again the bartender wants to say something about the banana but doesn't.

The third day the same guy and the same banana go to the bar and order a drink. As the bartender serves the man he can't stand it any more. He says to the guy, "Hey Mack, you know you got a banana in your ear? "

The guy replies, "Sorry, I can't hear you - I've got a banana in my ear."

-- Joke submitted by Grace Mccoy   [Jokes]



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Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.

"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."

His partner replies, "What are you worried about? We're both here."

-- Joke submitted by law-n-don   [Jokes]



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A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"?

The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll."

-- Joke submitted by bewilot   [Jokes]



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