Jokes

Posted on 26 January 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."

With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.

"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.

Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood ... the pig and the cow.

-- Joke submitted by Renee   [Jokes]



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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

-- Joke submitted by Elaine Pancost   [Jokes]



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Husband: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me."

Wife: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you?"

-- Joke submitted by Jim Cartabock   [Jokes]



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- Daddy, what is farther from us the Moon or Moscow City?

- Sonny, I thought you were grown-up enough to ask such silly questions. Take a look out the window. Do you see the Moon?

- Yes, I do.

- Now, do you see any Moscow City around here?

- No, I don't.

- So, the answer is obvious, isn't it?

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]



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Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

-- Joke submitted by Vicky   [Jokes]



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Ole asked Val: "Do you know the difference between a canoe and a Norwegian?"

Val: "What an absurd question. How can you compare the two?"

Ole: "A canoe sometimes tips."

-- Joke submitted by Serena Orme   [Jokes]



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A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.

Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.

"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.

"Ok," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."

"What for?" retorted the man.

"Tacks evasion," answered the policeman.

-- Joke submitted by Benneton   [Jokes]



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Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.

But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half ... they went as an upper and lower GI.

-- Joke submitted by gideon   [Jokes]



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