Jokes

Posted on 24 January 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Most local residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she recently accused Ted, a local man, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon.

Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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Two Martians landed on a corner with a traffic light.

"I saw her first," one Martian said.

"So what?" said the other. "I'm the one she winked at."

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti   [Jokes]



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Dave and Gary are having a conversation over drinks. Dave, wanting to inquire about Gary’s wife, asks, "So how is Betty taking her pregnancy?"

Gary answers, "Betty is not pregnant. She is expecting."

Dave, intrigued, asks, "Hello! How is it different?"

Gary shoots back, "Well, when I return home from office, she is expecting me to cook dinner, she is expecting me to pick up the trash, she is expecting me to walk the dog, she is expecting me to wash the clothes..."

-- Joke submitted by Rebecca Nash   [Jokes]



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Wife: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Husband: "I was golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife: "What? At 2AM?!"

Husband: "Yes dear, we used night clubs."

-- Joke submitted by xtern   [Jokes]



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Doctor Gonsalves asked his patient Santa Singh, "Santa, how did you lose 3 front teeth?"

Santa Singh replied, "Doctor, my wife had made very hard rotis (Indian bread)."

Doctor Gonsalves said, "So why didn't you refuse to eat?"

Sardar Santa Singh replied, "That's exactly what I did!"

-- Joke submitted by zips   [Jokes]



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When a plague of flying ants caused the performance at a variety theater to end prematurely, the manager sent a message to his agent: "Show stopped by flying ants!"

The agent replied: "Book 'em for another week".

-- Joke submitted by Joanie   [Jokes]



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Tom went to see her psychiatrist, Dr. Jackson.

Tom pleaded to the doctor, "My wife needs help, she thinks she's ME!"

Dr. Jackson said, "That seems to be a serious problem. I will need to see her. Can you get her here to see me."

Tom replied, "But, Dr. Jackson, here I am!"

-- Joke submitted by Greg Anisson   [Jokes]



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Eileen's two-year-old great-grandson was excited about having his birthday in a few days. When asked how old he would be, he always said he would be four and held up four fingers.

His mother tried to explain that he would be three, that three came after two, but he wasn't convinced.

He told her that he had to be four because when he tried to hold up three fingers, the fourth came up too.

-- Joke submitted by Elaine Kimberly   [Jokes]



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