Jokes

Posted on 7 January 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to be real nice and spend a couple of hours playing first!"

-- Joke submitted by Sota   [Jokes]



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Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about their troubles.

"And on top of everything else," said the first, "my wife has cut me down to just once a week."

"That's too bad," agreed his friend, "but it could be worse. I know two guys she's cut off altogether."

-- Joke submitted by JJP   [Jokes]



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The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?"

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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What NOT to say on your wedding night...

1. You woke me up for that?

2. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

3. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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A young fellow and his girl are parked in a lover's lane that runs along a river. The guy wants to make love, but the girl is afraid somebody will come along and see them. They decide to do it under his Dodge 4 X 4 pickup with oversized tires and lots of room under.

A few minutes later, a county deputy pulls up and says, "Hey, what the devil you all doing down there?"

The young fellow being in a full rut doesn't even look up, but manages to say, "I'm fixing my muffler."

The deputy says, "Well, son, you shoulda been fixin' your parking brake, 'cause your truck just rolled into the river."

-- Joke submitted by h33   [Jokes]



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Mr. Clemenceau posted a sign in the classroom stating, "Because of a conference, Mr. Clark will not teach his classes tomorrow."

One of his smart-alecky pupils erased the "c" in classes.

Aware of such student pranks, Mr. Clark then erased the "L."

-- Joke submitted by wikkee   [Jokes]



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The boss was furious. He called over his plant manager and said, "I just found out that you've been getting huge kickbacks from our suppliers, making our costs just about double what they should be. I know that you sold our new designs to another company who'll have the products on the shelves a month before us, and I understand that last month you fooled around with my wife. Believe me when I tell you this: one more thing and out you go!"

-- Joke submitted by Danny   [Jokes]



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Two longtime friends were catching up with the goings-on in their families. One father related that his son was studying to be a dentist. The other man said, "Your son wanted to be a proctologist. How come he switched to dentistry?"

"When we were having a chat one day, I pointed out that people have thirty-two teeth but only one rear."

-- Joke submitted by Ken   [Jokes]



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