Jokes

Posted on 7 January 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date

1. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."

2. "Show me how you used to spank her."

3. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."

4. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"

5. "I just got my license today."

6. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."

7. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."

8. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"

9. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob'."

10. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"

-- Joke submitted by Logan LeBlanc   [Jokes]



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A woman is looking for broccoli in a supermarket. Not finding any, she approaches a stockboy and asks him whether he has any Broccoli.

"Sorry ma'am, we won't have broccoli until next week."

Unconvinced, she goes looking for broccoli again, and not find any, she approaches the stockboy again.

"Like I said last time ma'am, we don't have any broccoli right now and won't have any until next week."

Undeterred by what she didn't want to hear, she goes looking for broccoli, and not finding any, approaches the same stockboy a third time to inquire.

The stockboy says: "Look ma'am, Indulge me here, can you spell 'cat' as in catfish"?

Woman: Sure, C-A-T.

Stockboy: And can you spell 'dog', as in dogwood?

Woman: Of course, D-O-G.

Stockboy: So, can you spell 'fock', as in broccoli?

Woman (perplexed): But there is no 'fock' in broccoli!

Stockboy: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

-- Joke submitted by Green Been   [Jokes]



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A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site. She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

Annoyed the worker yelled, "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"

The girl turned around and replied, "It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"

-- Joke submitted by Diana   [Jokes]



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Girl: Baby I am wet.

Boy: Want a paper towel?

Girl: No, I want more than that.

Boy: Want 2 paper towels?

Girl: No, baby I want something big and round.

Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

-- Joke submitted by DDomn   [Jokes]



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Harry goes up to a prostitute and asks, "How much for a blow job?"

She says, "A hundred bucks."

He tries to talk her down, but she won't budge, so he agrees to pay the hundred.

They go back to his hotel room and as soon as they are inside, Harry starts masturbating furiously.

"What are you doing that for?" asks the prostitute.

"For a hundred bucks," he says, "do you think I'm gonna give you the easy one?"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

-- Joke submitted by Hammerbold   [Jokes]



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Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."

The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

-- Joke submitted by Falattell   [Jokes]



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