Jokes

Posted on 2 January 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men.

Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions like, "Why did you hit the ball into the trees?"

-- Joke submitted by Elaine   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Dog is the only true friend of man. If you don't believe it, lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car. Open it in a couple of hours and see who will be more glad to see you...

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter.

She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!"

The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them."

The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $29.95!"

-- Joke submitted by Kate Mula   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:

"Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here you have 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"

So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man:

"Are you stupid or something? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't, so I want my money back!"

While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also in the train were looking at them, so one turns to the other and says to him:

Man 1: "Look at this guy! He is mad!"

Man 2: "Yeah! He's almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the train in Mannheim."

-- Joke submitted by Tambre   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door on their cruise ship. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A family had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into a brand new house in a development nearby.

Very early the next morning, their 3 year-old son ran in to the parent's bedroom to wake them up.

The mother dressed him and told him to play in the yard.

About 20 minutes later, he came running back.

"Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "Everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

-- Joke submitted by Jennifer Kent   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist," said the man to the receptionist.

"I'm sorry sir," she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient, "When will he be out again?"

-- Joke submitted by Ann Trelawney   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5