Jokes

Posted on 15 October 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Murphy's Laws

Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Murphy's Tenth Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws: Murphy was an optimist.

-- Joke submitted by Ann Curtis   [Jokes]



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A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel, and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

"The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.

"In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."

-- Joke submitted by law-n-don   [Jokes]



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Blonde: I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.

Redhead: Really, what is he studying?

Blonde: He is not studying, they are studying him.

-- Joke submitted by Eva   [Jokes]



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A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced.

A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.

"Where have you been?" asked the man.

"I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!"

-- Joke submitted by Seleen   [Jokes]



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Father: "Why did you fail your mathematics test?"

Son: "On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8."

Father: "So?"

Son: "On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8... If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?"

-- Joke submitted by Kira Lang   [Jokes]



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Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me.

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

-- Joke submitted by Kate Mula   [Jokes]



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The slow suitor asked, "Elizabeth, would you like to have a puppy?"

"Oh, Edward," the girl gushed, "how delightfully humble of you. Yes, dearest, I accept."

-- Joke submitted by Lara Koch   [Jokes]



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First World Problems

The cleaning lady stole my mood ring and I don't know how to feel about it.

My house is too big for the wifi to reach my bedroom.

All my friends are studying for finals, so I have no one to drink with.

My friends guest room has a sleep number bed that won't allow me to change the setting. I'm comfortable, but I'll never know if I could be more comfortable.

I'm so poor. I've only got enough money for rent, food and a couple of nights out this month.

I have a test on my birthday.

Three to five business days.

Powerpoint presentations.

The pizza guy can't find my house so now I have to stand outside and wave like an idiot.

I can't decide which country to go to for my graduation gift.

I can't find a reason to buy an iPad, I just want one.

I have to wait a month until my upgrade to get the new iPhone 5.

The WiFi on my flight across America is not fast enough to watch YouTube videos.

The green light was too short this morning and I was forced to feel guilty for not giving money to the homeless guy.

My dog walks while she poops.

The water fountain is too cold and it hurts my teeth.

My smartphone changes "lol" to "LOL" making me sound more amused than I actually am.

I never have enough time to sleep. Also, I never have enough time to play video games because I have to sleep.

I can't do my homework on my Macbook Pro, so I have to use a PC at the library.

My life is so busy that I have to schedule my free time.

-- Joke submitted by edd   [Jokes]



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