Jokes

Posted on 16 October 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either a politician, an attorney, or possibly someone in upper management."

-- Joke submitted by makhno   [Jokes]



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Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.

The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate.

The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh, whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai.

The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai smiled, "Well, circumcision is not intended to kill."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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Little Johnny's father said, "Let me see your school report."

Johnny replied, "I don't have it."

"Why not?" His father asked.

"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

-- Joke submitted by Monica Burt   [Jokes]



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A blonde, brunette and a red head stole purses from a department store, and were running from the cops. They ran away and the redhead went up a tree, the brunette went to the cow stables, and the blonde went to the vegetable patch.

Then the cops walked pass the tree and said they herd something so the brunette said, "Cucaw Cucaw".

The cop said, "Oh, it was just a bird."

Then they walked past the cow stables and said, "Hey, I heard something."

The brunette went, "Moo Mooo".

The cops said, "Oh, it's just a cow."

Then they went past the vegetable patch then the cop said, "Hey, I heard something over here."

The blonde said (in whispering voice), "Vegetaaabblleesss!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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A wealthy labor economist had an urge to have grandchildren. He had two daughters and two sons and none of them had gratified his desire for a grandchild. At the annual family gathering on Thanksgiving Day, he chided them gently to bless his old age with their progeny.

"But I haven't given up hope," he said, "Yesterday I went to the bank and set up a one hundred thousand dollar trust fund to be given to the first grandchild that I have. Now we will all bow our heads while I say a prayer of thanks."

When he looked up, he and his wife were the only ones at the table.

-- Joke submitted by John Harris   [Jokes]



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There was a male camel with two huge manly camel humps. He fell in love with, and married, a female camel with one perfectly shaped female camel hump. Not long after, they had a baby boy camel, who had no hump at all.

They deliberated long and hard about what to name their precious baby boy.

Finally they settled on "Humphrey".

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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"So," thundered Greg's furious father, "you have been expelled from college, have you?"

"Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang."

-- Joke submitted by Jasmine Ginda   [Jokes]



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You Might be an Internet Hobo if

1. You spend more time online trying to find a way of making money than actually making money.

2. You have more than one degree from an online university.

3. Your little black book is full of usernames and passwords.

4. Your space is Myspace.

5. You think a vacation is Google Earth.

6. Your 15 minutes of fame is on Youtube.

7. Road rage means a dial up connection.

8. You hear your kids say "the snail man's here".

-- Joke submitted by Terry Shor   [Jokes]



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