Jokes

Posted on 21 July 2021


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Speaking to her two daughters, a mother said, "When we get home you need to clean your bedrooms. Your grandmother is coming to visit us tonight and I want the whole house to look tidy."

The younger daughter answered, "We will, Mommy. But isn't that kind of like, lying?"

-- Joke submitted by Brina Dixon   [Jokes]



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A young fellow with long-hair was trying to enter a swim club. However, he was stopped by the owner who tried to explain that for health reasons long-haired people were prohibited from using the pool.
"Get a haircut, and you're welcome to swim in the pool," suggested the owner.

"Some of history's greatest men had long hair," said the young man.

"Those are the rules," hammered back the owner.

"Moses had long hair."

"Moses can't swim in our pool either."

-- Joke submitted by Nes-4   [Jokes]



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On her way to take a coffee break, a woman employed by a computer company saw a colleague sitting at his desk with his feet propped up, staring straight ahead and blinking. Concerned, she asked, "Are you all right?"

He answered, "I'm fine! I'm just in screen saver mode."

-- Joke submitted by Betsy   [Jokes]



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Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"

-- Joke submitted by Tina Hoggins   [Jokes]



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A woman goes at the doctor: "Doc, please help me I've tried everything, but I can't get pregnant."

"It may be a hereditary problem! Did your mother have kids?"

-- Joke submitted by Nancy Atwood   [Jokes]



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You've been programming too long when...

1. When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5...".

2. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 32 or 64 bits.

3. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

4. When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

5. When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

6. When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

7. When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

8. When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.

9. When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

10. When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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The slow suitor asked, "Elizabeth, would you like to have a puppy?"

"Oh, Edward," the girl gushed, "how delightfully humble of you. Yes, dearest, I accept."

-- Joke submitted by Lara Koch   [Jokes]



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