Jokes

Posted on 21 October 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A college student picked up his date at her parent's home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu - appetizers, lobster, champagne... the works.

Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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A man returns from overseas and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo some tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We have the results back from your tests and we have found you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H. It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"

"Oh my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." replied the doctor.

"Will that cure me?" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well no, but, it's the only food we can slide under the door."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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A man asks a woman, "Do you smoke after sex?"

The woman answers, "I don't know, I never looked."

-- Joke submitted by Dylan   [Jokes]



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A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."

-- Joke submitted by Opten10   [Jokes]



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A fellow went to the red light district and walked into a brothel. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty, bare hallway with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35."

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."

He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in yet another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night."

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed!"

-- Joke submitted by Nata   [Jokes]



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There were once two young men, one from Donegal and the other from Cork, out riding the Irish countryside when suddenly they came upon a poor sheep with its head stuck in a fence.

Well, the temptation was too much for the Donegal man and he quickly leapt from his horse and had his way with the sheep.

Upon completing his dirty deed, he stepped back and asked his buddy from Cork if he wanted some.

"You bet!" was his enthusiastic reply and he jumped down from his horse and stuck his head through the fence.

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Boots store and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. He comes out and the man, looking around furtively, asks sotto voice, "Do you sell Viagra here?"

The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do."

The man then says, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"

The pharmacist looks at him for a moment and then says, "Perhaps if you took 5 or 6 pills at once, you might."

-- Joke submitted by Ian Paten   [Jokes]



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Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.

"I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet."

As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon."

Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two.

"Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I have a brown Probe."

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



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