Jokes

Posted on 25 March 2019


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash."

-- Joke submitted by Harry Berryman   [Jokes]



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It turned out that the newly married wife was not a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed:

"Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."

-- Joke submitted by Joe Kaminsky   [Jokes]



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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

-- Joke submitted by Maria Lopez   [Jokes]



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A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ.

Here's how it works:

When you spend $39.95 to see this video, it proves your dog is smarter than you.

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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It seems in this day and time you can't go into an area dominated by a woman without detecting the 'aroma' (odorous terribilis) of some kind of bizarre scented candle. Everything from 'Boysenberry Vanilla Potpourri' to 'Spice Orange Jasmine Chocolate'. Sometimes it gives me a headache!

Well, it's about time men had their own scented candles. Below you will find a few scents men would appreciate.

'62 Chevy truck - Interior and Exhaust
Gunpowder
Wet Dog (only if it's your own dog)
Frying Bacon (actually, a lot of different fried foods)
Wood Smoke
Chainsaw Exhaust
Freshly Caught Bass
Ozone (arc welder, of course)
Acetylene
Freshly Moved Dirt
Silage
Sawdust
New Tires
Hot Metal
3 Year Old Cap
Ammonia Fertilizer (light, of course)
Burning Grass or Leaves
Alfalfa
Firecrackers
Latex Paint

-- Joke submitted by John Petkin   [Jokes]



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Michael: It's hard for my sister to eat.

Maureen: Why?

Michael: She can't bear to stop talking.

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



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When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!

-- Joke submitted by VickyLoo   [Jokes]



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Golf Meditations

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

-- Joke submitted by Jila Bankol   [Jokes]



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