Jokes

Posted on 13 January 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment.

"What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged gentleman replied: "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath... Doctor, I'm scared!"

The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent's response was: "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"

-- Joke submitted by Henco   [Jokes]



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A medical professor was lecturing about self-examination of the breast and testicles. A female student asked another male student, "Do you ever get an erection when you do a self-examination of your testicles?"

"Sometimes, yes," replied the male student.

"What do you do about it?" She then asked.

"Nothing, why?"

She thought for a while then said, "You mean you go around with a hard penis all day?"

"Err, no," he replied.

"You mean a man's penis will go down without having an orgasm?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to kill my husband!"

-- Joke submitted by VickyLoo   [Jokes]



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There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population and young George was pretty excited.

"Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.

"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion," said Sam.

"Okay, I can do that," George answered.

Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there but Sam had a few more instructions.

"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle," said Sam.

"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.

"Hang on George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?" said Sam.

"Sure, sure," says George, "Let's go!"

Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say, "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am..."

-- Joke submitted by Uncle Bubba   [Jokes]



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After the big Superbowl party, Doug figured he better spend some quality time with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.

"All right honey," he says, "Give me a play you want me to run."

"How about Foreplay?" his wife replies.

"What's the Four Play?" says Doug.

"You know," the wife says, "It happens before the two minute warning."

-- Joke submitted by MrGold   [Jokes]



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The residents of a small Irish town urge the local Police Inspector to arrest the local homosexual. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage boys in town.

The Inspector dutifully arrests the man and says to him, "Ok, you got 15 minutes to blow this town!"

The homosexual says, "For that I'll need at least two hours."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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What men would do if they had a vagina for a day?

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that f&$%#@ G-spot.

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.

"But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs."

"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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