Jokes

Posted on 15 April 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's room when she finds a bondage magazine hidden under the bed. She shows it to her husband and asks him what he thinks they should do.

After flicking through the magazine her husband says, "To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help."

-- Joke submitted by Brian Sutton   [Jokes]



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Norman was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.

Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.

"I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

Norman looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Eddie, "Well, did you find it?"

Eddie is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

-- Joke submitted by Gill Sill   [Jokes]



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A guy wandered over to a beautiful woman in a bar and started chatting her up. Not too far into the conversation he said: "Do you mind If I ask you a personal question?"

"That depends on how personal it is," she replied.

"Okay," he said tentatively. "How many men have you slept with?"

"No way I am going to tell you that!" she snapped. "That's my business!"

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't realize you made a living from it."

-- Joke submitted by Ted Milton   [Jokes]



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Question: Why don't women blink during foreplay?

Answer: They don't have time.

-- Joke submitted by Lorraine   [Jokes]



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"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

"Listen Honey," drawled the lady, "If you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

-- Joke submitted by Emily Garcia   [Jokes]



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This old man was playing the fiddle at a barn dance. He was sitting on an old pickle barrel and his pants zipper was unzipped. While playing the family jewels fell out and were hanging down in the barrel. An old lady observed all of this and felt obligated to tell him what had taken place.

She went up to him and said, "Do you know your zipper's unzipped and all of the family jewels are hanging in the pickle barrel"?

The old man said, "No lady, but if you can hum it I'll play it".

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]



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The lawyer was advising his pretty client: "When we go to court I want you to wear a short skirt."

"But they are not in style," she protested.

"Do you want to be acquitted?" asked the lawyer. "Or do you want to be in style?"

-- Joke submitted by Laura Stanok   [Jokes]



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Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was Willy?

1. My Willy ate my homework.

2. Oh, no! Willy is frothing at the mouth!

3. Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Willy.

4. I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Willy on a leash.

5. Willy doesn't come when I call him.

6. I love giving Willy a bath.

7. Willy needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.

8. Playing with Willy really wears me out.

9. Would you like to see a picture of Willy?

10. I keep a picture of Willy in my wallet.

11. I think Willy is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

12. Help! I can't find Willy!

13. Willy gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

14. Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take Willy to the hospital.

15. Watch it or you'll step on Willy.

16. When Willy behaves well, he gets a bone.

17. Stop kicking Willy.

18. Willy is truly man's best friend.

19. I've trained Willy to jump through hoops.

20. Willy always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.

21. Excuse me, I need a muzzle for Willy.

22. Sorry I'm late, but Willy kept me up howling all night.

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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