Jokes

Posted on 18 June 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Bob, a man of few words, had evaded many a marital trap, but was now hopelessly in love with pretty young Sue. Finally he said, "Will you marry me, Sue?"

She smiled and said, "Oh yes, Bob."

There followed a long silence, till Sue said, "Well, say something more, Bob."

And Bob said hollowly, "I think I've said too much as it is."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Because John was processing his first accident report at the transport company where he worked, he was being particularly attentive.

The driver had hit a deer on the highway, and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender. John's serious mood was broken, however, when he reached the section of the report that asked, "Speed of other vehicle?"

The driver had put, "Full gallop."

-- Joke submitted by fredsken   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Sheriff: If you had a gun with only one bullet and an outlaw was coming at you from the north and another from the south, which would you shoot?

Deputy: I'd shoot the gun.

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."

-- Joke submitted by laurie   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it... only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked.

"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game."

"How long could that have taken you?"

"Well, I had to toss it 14 times."

-- Joke submitted by galeopat   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Things to Do When You're Bored

1. Do a good job.
2. Be a side effect.
3. Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.
4. Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.
5. Redecorate your garage.
6. Develope a complex.
7. Join the Army...be someone simple.
8. Try harder.
9. Hit the deck.
10. Cut the deck.
11. Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
12. Give a lecture tour on the historical signifigance of cream cheese.
13. Debate politics with a fern.
14. Donate your brother's body to science.
15. Be a square root.
16. Park your car...with a friend.
17. Park your car...with a group of friends.
18. Ask stupid questions.
19. Go bowling...for small game.
20. Have your first statement of bankruptcy framed.
21. Hang it on the wall in your office.
22. Interview a cloud.
23. Translate Shakespeare into English.
24. Send the president an alarm clock...wind it up first.
25. Do aerobics...in your head.
26. Play cards with your swimming pool.
27. Send your goldfish to obedience school.
28. Pinstripe your driveway.
29. Harness chipmunk power
30. Change your name...daily.
31. Go for a walk...in the attic.
32. Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.
33. Go bow hunting...for Toyotas.
34. Boldly go where no man has gone before.
35. Play to lose.
36. Be a threat to the Northwest Tibetan way of life.
37. Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Toronto.
38. Have your car painted plaid.
39. Give your grandmother a raise...and another week paid vacation.
40. Sharpen your sleeping skills.
41. Make a list of things to do when bored.
42. Renumber the bored list.
43. Make a lifesized replica of the Statue of Liberty...out of grape jello.

-- Joke submitted by P. Etchingham   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Fred: I wish I had the money to buy a million golf balls.

John: What would you do with a million golf balls?

Fred: Nothing. I just want the money.

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5