Jokes

Posted on 16 July 2018


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Teacher: Does any one of you know what a comet is?

John: A comet is a star with a tail miss.

Teacher: Good answer, can you give an example?

John: Mickey Mouse.

-- Joke submitted by edd   [Jokes]



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A man goes to see his doctor because of a problem he is having concerning his memory.

The man tells the doctor, "I have been having lots of problems remembering things that happened in the past couple of hours, you know, my short term memory."

The doctor replies, "How long has this been going on?"

The puzzled man looks back at the doctor and says, "How long has what been going on?"

-- Joke submitted by greenbeer   [Jokes]



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14 Reasons To Keep a Dog Over a Wife

Why it is a far better choice of keeping dogs over wives.

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

-- Joke submitted by 45caliber   [Jokes]



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It is for good reason that you'll hear a lot of talk about the weather in Ireland. The Irish are used to cloudy skies and regular showers because they know that a puff of breeze will soon clear the sparkling air. A "soft day" is the euphemism for drenching rain, an all too frequent occurrence in the Emerald Isle for those not yet acclimatized to the wonders of the Irish climate.

A newly arrived visitor from the States was interested in learning the projected status of the weather. After all, he had rented a car and hired a guide for the week that he, his wife, and two friends were planning on touring.

"How has the weather been lately?" the American inquired.

"Not bad," returned the driver. "It only rained twice last week. Once for three days and once for four days."

-- Joke submitted by Ann Trelawney   [Jokes]



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Men Are Like...

Men are like placemats... They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like bike helmets... They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like government bonds... They take so long to mature.

Men are like parking spots... The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Men are like copiers... You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like lava lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like bank accounts... Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like high heels... They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like curling irons... They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like mini skirts... If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

-- Joke submitted by Keira Tooker   [Jokes]



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A soldier was given the job to hunt for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey. After riding a while, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says, "Humm, Buffalo come".

The soldier scans the horizon with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

The Indian replies, "Ear sticky".

-- Joke submitted by QQP   [Jokes]



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After he finished his route, a bus driver had to explain to the supervisor why he was 10 minutes late.

"I was stuck behind a big truck."

"But yesterday you were 10 minutes early," reminded the boss.

"Yeah," replied the bus driver, "But yesterday I was stuck behind a Porsche."

-- Joke submitted by Wildy   [Jokes]



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A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said "Chopsticks are provided only on request."

"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."

"True," the waiter shot back, "but we'd have to hire three more people to sweep the floor."

-- Joke submitted by Dr. Greene   [Jokes]



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