Jokes

Posted on 12 November 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A man boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?"

He coolly replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."

-- Joke submitted by Tonto   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Two friends were at a bar discussing life and love.

One said, "Would you believe that out of all the women I've been with not a one of them was a virgin? It'd be nice if girls saved themselves for marriage. I think it would cure a big part of the huge divorce crisis we have."

"Yeah, Jim, I hear you," said the other. "Out of all the women I've been with I've only had two virgins myself -- my wife and yours."

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


You know you're getting old when your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

-- Joke submitted by Tambre   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The mathematician says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife, you can do some mathematics."

-- Joke submitted by Ferdi Kiel   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

-- Joke submitted by h33   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asks.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any underwear."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing underwear."

The man explains, "Damn, this thing must be an hour fast."

-- Joke submitted by BEE   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A husband and wife were expecting their first child.

They were at their first exam with an old crusty Doc. Nice guy, but seen it all, heard it all a million times.

The husband was stuttering around searching for the right words to ask when they "should stop....you know.....relations?"

The Doc's answer: "Sonny, as long as you don't get in my way in the delivery room, I don't care!"

-- Joke submitted by kassandra   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5