Jokes

Posted on 28 March 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A group of American tourists were on a guided tour through an ancient castle in Europe.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the guide said, "this castle is over 700 years old. Nothing has been altered or touched in all those years."

"Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!" exclaimed one of the tourists.

-- Joke submitted by Dave Lally   [Jokes]



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Grandpa was reminiscing about the good old days...

"When I was a lad, Ma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar bill, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a packet of tea, and a half dozen eggs.

You can't do that now! Too many security cameras!"

-- Joke submitted by Olenka Krol   [Jokes]



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Sentences teachers say (and their true meanings)

1. This book is very commonly used (I also studied from it 40 years ago).

2. It's important to understand what the material means in general (I'm not good with details).

3. Some might say... (My guess is...).

4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus (I don't know the answer to your question).

5. We'll discuss that question next week (I don't know the answer to your question).

6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out (I don't know how to spell that word).

7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test (You all failed).

8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson? (Did any of you review the material as I asked?)

9. Today we'll split up into small studying groups (I don't feel like teaching today so keep yourselves busy).

10. The homework is due on Monday (Ruining your weekend is the only fun I have left in teaching).

-- Joke submitted by Mike   [Jokes]



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Michael was selling a fine horse, and his friend Liam came over with the intention of buying it.

"How much is it?" asked Liam, and Pat told him "500 dollars."

Liam was startled, and said, "But sure, I could give only 25 dollars for even such a fine horse."

"Done!" said Michael.

Liam was surprised again. "How is it you came down so fast?"

Michael smiled and said, "25 dollars is what he's worth, all right, but you're my friend, and I thought you'd like owning a 500 dollar horse."

-- Joke submitted by Paul Rowe   [Jokes]



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A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member accepted.

"Ok," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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A guy was lost on the Mall by the Washington Monument. He stopped a policeman and asked, "What side is the State Department on?"

The cop answered: "Ours, I hope."

-- Joke submitted by Pilate   [Jokes]



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An elderly man attended a school reunion, but was dismayed to find that his surviving classmates simply wanted to talk about their various ailments - heart conditions, liver complaints, kidney stones, etc.

When he arrived back home, his wife asked him how it went.

"It wasn't so much a school reunion," he sighed, "more like an organ recital."

-- Joke submitted by k_grek   [Jokes]



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Wife: Honey, I just had the most wonderful visit to my doctor!

Husband: Really? How so?

Wife: According to my height and my weight, I'm not as old as I should be!

-- Joke submitted by Belinda   [Jokes]



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